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Post by gabriel on May 8, 2011 22:31:47 GMT
Cold early morning spring time air hit the young blond headed boy in the face as he walked out of the castle and into the courtyards. His mouth was opened wide in a huge yawn, and in his hands he clutched a very thick Potions book. When his mouth closed as he finished yawning, a grimace was clearly visible. It was Saturday morning and most students would be sleeping, but not Gabriel. On Monday he had a huge Potions exam, and there was no way he would make good marks on it if he didn't study all weekend. Gabriel was a little too obsessed with his marks, and since he didn't have anything to distract him from them, the obsession had simply grown since his first year. It was a rarity to see him without a school book in his hand, and even though he enjoyed having fun with his friends, that was rare too now-a-days. After all, who had time for that when they expected to make perfect marks in everything? Well, certainly not him.
Maybe someone much more intelligent than him, but meh, who cares? Right? He walked over to a bench and took a seat, leaning against the cold wall that was behind it. The boy was still dressed in his pajamas, which were a pair of stretchy shorts and a white t-shirt. He obviously wasn't dressed for the chill on the air, but he hadn't known how cold it was until he'd walked out into the courtyards. It was too late to go back now. If he went back to common room to change, his friends would surely make him go to Hogsmeade with them, and then his day of study would be ruined. Besides, he'd went to Hogsmeade last weekend. It could wait, in the end what he was about to do was much more important.
With a very large sigh, he looked down at the book in his hands. He opened it to the marked chapter and began to read. His brown eyes darted from letter to letter as he soaked it all up. He could easily read Potions, and understand what was to go in them and how to put it in, and how long it took, but when he tried to do it himself.. It all went to hell. It was terrible. Even if he had a book to follow directions with he would somehow mess it up. He didn't understand it, and it confused him above anything else. How could he do so well in everything except for Potions? With an irritated sigh, he leaned his head against the wall. This was useless!
 WORDS; 464 TAG; jamie MUSE; okay, bad at starting threads. MUSIC; such as it ends - ludo, firefly - breaking benjamin, fuckin perfect - pink. CREDIT; thavron @ caution
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Post by jamieanne on May 9, 2011 16:59:35 GMT
  
Jamie shot forward in bed suddenly, breathing in harsh, jagged gasps. Her eyes flew open, looking glazed as she searched the room desperately. It took her a moment to realize that her dream had been just that - a dream. Lying back down again, she ran a shaky hand through her knotted hair. The nightmare was already slipping away from her, and the little she could recollect was hazy and didn't make any sense. After nearly two minutes had passed, all she was left with was a sense of fear. Jamie rolled onto her stomach, letting one arm dangle uselessly over the edge of her bed. The other girls in her dorm hadn't made a noise, other than the usually snoring, so she was sure she hadn't woken anyone. Sighing, Jamie let her eyes drift shut and hoped that sleep would claim her.
Twenty minutes later, and Jamie still had yet to sleep. She had been tossing and turning, filled with a restlessness she had come to associate with her grief. After Kyle had died, she had spent many nights trying to sleep but unable to because of her restless energy. It was painfully irritating at this point, and she was getting quite frustrated. She supposed it could have been worse; she could have had classes later on. Thankfully, it was a weekend so Jamie wouldn't be tired for lessons. She had noticed that the teachers tended to pick up on that and often barrage you with questions to 'wake you up', Jamie snorted into her pillow at the thought before rolling over onto her back. She opened her eyes and stared irately at the canopy of the four poster bed.
After another ten minutes or so, Jamie gave up on getting to sleep and slipped out of bed. It was quite early, but still the morning so there was no reason for her to stay in bed when she couldn't sleep. Stretching with a tired yawn, the blond stumbled out of the dorm, down the stairs into the Common Room and out of the portrait hole. She flinched when her bare feet came into contact with the cold floor of the corridor but she padded on anyway. She wandered around the winding halls of Hogwarts for a while, smiling and waving at the few awake portraits she passed. Eventually, she came upon the Entrance Hall. A quick glance at closed doors of the Great Hall assured her it was not yet time for breakfast. Pouting and crossing her arms over her chest, Jamie wondered what to do next.
After shrugging to herself, the young witch walked out past the doors if the Entrance Hall and into the Courtyard. She glanced around curiously, not spotting anyone she knew. Or, well, anyone really. Shrugging once more, she walked over to a large tree. Peering up at it, she dug her toes into the ground beneath her for a moment before clambering up the tree, perching on a high branch. She stared out at the spectacular view of Hogwarts her position granted her and smiled brilliantly. She leaned her head back against the trunk of the tree, yawning again as she did so. Jamie watched as the sun climbed a little higher in the sky and then swung her head around when she heard the doors open again.
Her heart clenched painfully when she saw it was Gabriel and she was overcome with the guilt she always felt when she saw him. She hated that she had simply given him the cold shoulder these past few years without any explanation, even though she still cared deeply for him. She just didn't want to talk about Kyle and she flat out refused to lie to him. Jamie smiled sadly when he thumped his head against the wall in frustration. In his hands was a Potions book and she knew that was his worst subject. She shifted slightly, suddenly painfully aware of the fact she was only in one of her brother's old t-shirts and a pair of boy shorts. Feeling a little exposed, she attempted to burrow herself further into the tree. All this resulted in, unfortunately, was her loosing her balance and she felt herself fall. Jamie shrieked loudly before landing with a solid thump. Swearing under her breath, she rubbed the back of her head and blushed brightly. I bet Gabe saw that, she bemoaned in her head, though she refused to look up and see if he had, in fact, seen her tumble.
 WORDS! 753
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Gabriel
NOTES! That was a lot longer than I thought O.o And also, don't worry about the short starting thread. I'm not too good at starting either XP
INSPIRATION! A personal experience of mine :3
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "Mine" by Taylor Swift
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Post by gabriel on May 9, 2011 18:08:38 GMT
Peace filled him as he took a few deep breaths, calming himself. Everything would be okay. He just had to open this Potions book back up and study. He'd managed to make good marks in Potions all his life, and he would manage again. There was no need to get so upset. But ever since it happened he'd had a bit of an anger problem. He'd never been the type of guy to just blow up or get frustrated like he just did, but he paid little mind to it. He could always easily calm himself down and get back the Gabriel he was before. He'd never talked to anyone about it. Of course his friends had questioned him when it first happened. "Don't you care?" "Are you hurt?" When he didn't reply to those questions he would get, "You can talk to us you know." And then he would just shrug and say he was fine and that he didn't care. Of course, it was very obvious to them that he did, but they were guys, and guys didn't press it. Guys just nodded and gave a 'if you need me" look. But the trouble with being a guy was that you couldn't just let yourself cry on your bestfriend. It would be too weird for everyone involved. In fact, Gabriel was sure he'd done the right thing by not talking about it. After all, it had went away...
A shriek caused him to jolt forward, his Potions book flying out of his lap onto the ground. Papers flew everywhere, and he grabbed his chest, looking around for the source of the scream. It didn't take him long to find it. And it was probably the last thing he wanted to see. Laying on the ground, blond hair everywhere, not looking up. Was she hurt? Instantly he felt his feet traveling toward her, his mind full of doubt about what he should do, while his heart was certain. Finally, he gained control of himself, and stopped. He didn't want to to talk to her, he didn't want to care about her. He just wanted to go collect his Potions book and leave. She would be fine. Someone would find her. It wasn't his job to take care of her anymore. She made it painfully obvious that she didn't want anything to do with him, and she wouldn't even tell him why! He felt his fingernails digging into his palms as he turned back around to walk away. But of course he couldn't. Of course he felt like he had to go check on her. With an irritated grunt he swung back around and walked over to her in a few large strides. He bent down next to her, and just looked at her for a minute. She was fine. In fact, she wasn't passed out or anything. She was jut laying there. His brow furrowed in confusion. Was she hurt or not? He couldn't see anything wrong with her, but she acted like something was wrong with her...
Before he could stop himself, his hand was placed on her shoulder. The sensation of touching her after so long without even so much as talking her to her felt like lightening in his fingers and he drew his hand back quite quickly. What was he doing? He was just acting stupid! He ran his hand through his blond hair, causing it to become even more messy and shaggy looking. "Are you alright?" His voice came out very gruff and emotionless as he turned his gaze away from her, no longer being able to stand looking at her. The pain in his chest was as fresh as it had been when she just stopped talking to him. He'd been so worried about her, and so mean to everyone in his family. He pretty much just locked himself away in his room that whole summer, and of course the one time he came out of his room he caught his mother with another man. Suddenly, he felt angry at the girl before him, and he clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay calm. It was too late for that now. It was too late to scream at her and ask her why the fuck she ruined everything. It was just too late. All he could do was deal with it and hope that she okay so he could just leave. He would rather go to Hogsmeade and fail his Potions test than stay here another minute with her. The way she made him feel was unbearable.
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Post by jamieanne on May 9, 2011 20:30:00 GMT
Jamie screwed her eyes shut when she heard an irritated grunt. She started breathing shallowly, filled with a sudden panic. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t. If she started talking to him, it would spill out and she couldn’t let it. Her defences came crashing down around her as she kept perfectly still. She was wildly hoping he’d leave her alone, just let her be and wallow in her guilt. So sorry, her mind screamed at him. So, so sorry. But sorry was such a small word and it was far too small and too useless now. Unfortunately, it was all she had. It was too little, too late and it was all she had. She choked back a sob, nearly overcome with guilt. She hadn’t wanted it to be like this. Gabe was her first love, her only love and it wasn’t supposed to end up like this. When they had first started going really strong, she had daydreamed about marrying him and having kids and they’d be each other’s one true love. Sorry, sorry, sorry… The word was on repeat in her mind. Though it sounded arrogant, and she hated arrogance, Jamie knew she had hurt Gabriel. She had known so well, still knew him so well, and his pain was obvious to her. She had wanted to run to him, hug him and making him stop hurting but something had held her back.
A warm touch on her shoulder caused her eyes to snap open as she jerked back, just as Gabe pulled his hand away. Her eyes fixed on his form as a tingling sensation travelled across her skin. She allowed herself to look him over. She hadn’t been this close to him in too long and some part of her was thrumming in delight at seeing him close up, at feeling his body heat next to her. She inhaled deeply, slowly sitting up as he looked away. His smell washed over her, warm and comforting. It reminded her of how she felt when she came home, and it was bloody ridiculous. He shouldn’t still make her feel like that, not after so long apart. She absently noted the fact he had asked if she was okay, and she felt a flush of heat at his voice. Though it was emotionless and hard, it still make her feel like her skin was on fire. She opened her mouth to reply, to apologise, to explain but no noise came out. Jamie furrowed her brows in confusion as her mouth snapped shut. Why wasn’t she able to form words? A million sentences were racing around in her head, each one desperate to slip out first. Her entire being ached to say something, every fibre of herself screaming to speak to him again. So why weren’t any words coming from her mouth?
She swallowed loudly, her tongue flicking out to wet her suddenly dry lips. She cleared her throat softly, eyes wide. “Yeah,” she whispered, mentally cursing herself. She hadn’t talked to Gabe in years and the best she could come with was ‘yeah’?! She was a total idiot, a clumsy, stupid horrible person. She wet her lips again nervously, fixing her gaze on the grassy floor beneath her. Gnawing on her lip, she let the silence stretch on before she blurted, “How’ve you been?” It sounded impossibly awkward to her ears and again she cursed herself. She almost called herself an idiot out loud but bit it back at the last moment. She already looked like a right bitch in his eyes, she knew, and if she said the word ‘idiot’ he might think he was talking about him. Jamie squeezed her eyes shut briefly before opening them again, risking a glance up at Gabriel before returning to staring at the ground. In her mind she said what she wanted to. ‘I’m so sorry. I know it’s not enough and that it’s probably too late, but it’s true. I regret it so much Gabe, so much. I feel so guilty and horrible and I’m a right cow and I should have explained, at least, and I want to if you want to hear it.’ But the words refused to come out, getting stuck in her throat so she stayed silent, occasionally darting glances up at him.
WORDS! 718
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Gabriel
NOTES! I have so much muse for this thread :D :3
INSPIRATION! Nothing in perticular, this time...
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "Mine" by Taylor Swift
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Post by gabriel on May 9, 2011 21:04:49 GMT
She remained silent for what seemed like an eternity to him. After a minute passed of her not speaking, he started to feel like a complete ass. She was making it obvious that she didn't want anything to do with him even after she'd fallen out of a tree and possibly hurt herself. She would rather lay there with no one to help her than have him help her. Pain gripped at his chest, and he squeezed his eyes shut against it. This sucked. Why did he have to be so bloody stupid? Why couldn't he just take a hint, hints that she'd been dropping for years now. She was done with him. She used him for whatever and then just dropped him. She was pureblood, he was muggleborn, did that have something to do with it? She'd always told him it didn't matter to her, but he couldn't think of anything else that could be the problem. He'd never done anything to her. He'd never treated her with anything but kindness. He'd always went out of his way to make sure she was happy and to make sure he was taking good care of her. And this was how she repaid him? Ignoring him for years and then making him feel like he was stupid for caring about her? Just as he was about to get up and leave, she spoke. It was a one word reply, but it was the first word he'd heard from her in a long time. His heart felt warm just hearing her voice, and all the anger that had been building evaporated.
He turned his gaze back to her, and then looked back down at the ground. He didn't know what to say. What could he say that didn't involve what she'd done to him? How could they just ignore that and talk like this? She went on to ask him how he'd been, and honestly he had to bite back a cruel remark. How did she think he'd been? Just jolly? Wonderful after his first love pretty much abandoned him without so much as a reason. Hell, she could have written it down on a piece of paper if she was so apposed to speaking with him. But she didn't. She didn't, and it was too late for this now. As much as he wanted things to go back to how they'd been, they couldn't. He could never allow her into his heart again, because he would never be able to trust her with it. At any time, she could just decide that she was done, and do this to him all over again. One heart break was enough for Gabriel. He didn't want another girlfriend, ever, no matter who she was. But still, he couldn't help but want it to be the way it had been. Even though he'd only been thirteen at the time, he'd loved her in a a way he'd never loved anyone before. It was ridiculous, really. With a loud sigh he allowed himself to fall backwards onto his butt.
"I've been fine." The words sounded a bit strained, despite how hard he tried to keep his voice level. Really, he had been fine. Yeah, he'd been suffering a bit, but not so much that he couldn't go on with his every day life. He didn't need her to go on, he just needed her to feel complete. But oh well. He'd learned that he could live while feeling like a part of him was missing. It was a lesson that she'd taught him. He rested his elbows on his knees, and then put his hands behind his head, allowing it to fall down a bit, his hair hiding his face. He didn't want to look at her anymore. He didn't want to be here anymore, but yet, here he sat.
"How have you been?"
[/color] The question was forced out. This seemed so wrong. How could they be doing this? Conversing somewhat casually after everything that had happened to them. How? How could he stand to sit here with her like there had never been anything between them? He needed to leave. He had to leave. He couldn't leave...[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote]
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Post by jamieanne on May 9, 2011 21:37:39 GMT
Her head was screaming at her to get away. Adrenaline pulsed through her as her ‘fight or flight’ reaction set in. She had to leave before she snapped and spilled; because she didn’t want to and she was 95% sure Gabe didn’t want it either. Not that she would know, she hadn’t talked to him in years. Jamie didn’t even know why she was attempting this conversation. It was going to end up awkward and uncomfortable in the end, thought it was already pretty much there. This was her fault and she taken responsibility for it but Merlin, it hurt. It hurt not to have him there, not to talk to him. It hurt to know he hated her. Because how could he not, after everything that had happened? That hurt the most. Despite the absurdity of it, despite the fact there was no way she should still feel the way she did, she cared for him. Too much, far too much. She was certain she didn’t love him anymore because there was no way that could have survived so long, but the deep feelings of affection and protection she had harboured in Third Year were still present, still strong in her heart.
Her breath hitched in her throat when he sat next to her. She glanced over at him briefly before returning to staring at the ground, pulling up a handful of grass. She fiddled with the thin blades just to do something. The restless energy she had experience earlier that morning was back in full force and this time simply going for a walk wasn’t an option. Even though part of her was desperate to run from Gabe and the feelings he inspired in her, the majority of her simply refused to move. She had missed him so much. So very much, and being with him now was a dream come true, literally. Well, it would be if the awkwardness plaguing the air would bugger off. Jamie reached up and ran a hand through her hair absently before rubbing the back of her neck nervously. She shot Gabriel a sly glance out of the corner of her eye when he told her he was fine. Despite the fact that his voice was obviously strained, she believed him. She knew him, and she knew that loosing someone wouldn’t destroy him. Hurt him, yes, but a manageable pain.
Jamie felt the forced aspect of this entire meeting and she hated it. Talking to Gabe had been easy before. She could talk to him about anything for hours and never get bored and she wanted that again. She wanted to hear his opinions on things and wanted him to want her opinions. But that was selfish and she wouldn’t be selfish with him. He deserved someone better than her, someone who wouldn’t abruptly stop talking to him for no perceived reason. And though the very thought of Gabe being with someone that wasn’t her was agonizing (And Merlin, how stupid was that?), she knew that was what was best for him. She wanted him to be happy and it was becoming painfully obvious that she didn’t make him happy anymore. Why did that fact hurt so much? It shouldn’t but it did. Oddly enough, things with Gabe were always like that. They shouldn’t but they did. She had loved that about him. She still did, really. Everything about him was just amazing in her eyes and she was sounding like a lovesick character from a cliché novel but it was true.
He asked her if she was alright and Jamie nearly let loose a hysterical giggle. She was intensely curious about why he was asking when it was obvious he didn’t want to be here, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She never could resist a difficult situation; it seemed ingrained in her personality to get into an awkward situation and stay there because of sheer stubbornness. She wasn’t staying out of stubbornness this time though. She wanted to be here because it was Gabe and that said it all, really. But there was still that small part of her begging to leave, to escape from this and now while she still could.
“I’m okay,” she muttered meekly, and that was strange because she simply wasn’t a meek person. “I’ve been okay.” Hit by a sudden fear that the conversation would end there, her mind raced desperately for something else to say. She wasn’t ready to let this conversation go. “Listen, Gabe…” she trailed off, unsure what to say to finish the sentence. ‘I’m sorry’? ‘I miss you’? It simply wasn’t good enough, but nothing else came to mind.
WORDS! 784
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Gabriel
NOTES! This is soooo much fun :D
INSPIRATION! Nothing in perticular, this time...
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "Mine" by Taylor Swift
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Post by gabriel on May 10, 2011 2:49:28 GMT
they sat there awkwardly, each wanting to leave, and neither being able to leave. or did she want to leave? he couldn't be sure, but she didn't act particularly happy to be around him. of course she didn't. she hated him or something, even though he didn't deserve that. he didn't deserve what she'd done to him and how she'd treated him, but here he sat. after every fucking thing, he here sat like an idiot. he knew better. he knew that if he stayed around her for too long he would never want to leave her. that's just how he felt about her. but why her? why couldn't it be someone else? and why couldn't he just talk to someone about it? that would probably help, but he didn't want anyone to know that she hurt him. he wanted them all to continue to think he was over her and he didn't care about her anymore. he didn't want them to know that he was completely and utterly stupid. he felt like punching someone, hurting someone, but oddly enough he didn't want to hurt her. he should want to get revenge on her for what she'd done, but all he could do was sit there and stare at the ground. she spoke again, told him that she'd been okay. he felt disappointed, but what did he expect? did he expect her to tell him that she'd been terrible because she missed him so much? kind of. maybe that was what he hoped she would have said. then maybe something... hell, what did he expect would happen if she said that? what would it change? nothing, that's what.
"listen, gabe."
his head jerked up so fast that he was surprised he didn't get whiplash. he looked at her expectantly. could this be what he was waiting for, what he wanted to hear? why she'd left him, that she was sorry for hurting him? something to give him some sort of closure? his heart pounded in his chest as he sat there looking at her, but she didn't say anything else. "what...?"
[/color] he whispered, sounding a bit scared. what if he didn't want to hear what she had to say? what if what she was about to say would only hurt him more? suddenly anxiety turned into fear and he realized that he didn't want to hear it. what if it was something that would make him feel sorry for her and take her back? did he want to take her back? yes! wait.. no! no he didn't! suddenly anger welled in his gut and he narrowed his eyes at the pretty blond girl sitting in front of him. he ripped some of the grass up and stood up quickly. his jaw was clenched as he tried to get a hold on his temper, but words were flying out before he could stop them. "you know what, jamie?!"[/color] he exclaimed, "i don't want to hear it! i don't want to know why you did it! i don't care anymore! its too late for this, its too late for us to make up. you hurt me too much, i can hardly sit here next to you without wanting to rip my hair out! maybe it would have worked if you would have tried sooner, but...."[/color] he trailed off. his voice had gotten progressively weaker and more silent throughout the rant to the point where the last couple of words were almost inaudible. he turned on his heel and walked away, only to stop at the tree she'd fallen out of and run a shaky hand through his hair. he bit his lip hard, allowing his hands to fall limply at his sides, unsure of what to do with them. now that the anger was gone he just felt weak and sad. he was so done. he wasn't willing to torture himself over her anymore, it was ridiculous. he just absolutely could not go through everything again.[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote] WORDS; 693 TAG; jamie MUSE; even though it was shorter than previous posts, my muse was pretty good :D CREDIT; thavron @ caution
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Post by jamieanne on May 10, 2011 16:17:02 GMT
She inhaled shakily when she heard his hesitant whisper. She felt something bubble inside of her and knew that she was going to spill. All of the feelings and words that she had locked away were pounding angrily in her head, demanding that she talk to him, explain to him. Because he deserved that. He deserved so much more than she had given him and the least she could do was explain. Maybe he didn’t want to hear it and maybe she didn’t want to say it, but she had to talk now or forever be haunted with what ifs. Jamie swallowed loudly, her mouth and throat dry with nerves. She had never told anyone why she had broken it off with Gabe. She had never told anyone about Kyle dying. She was certain that if she had said something, she would only get pity in return and she couldn’t handle pity. Her breath hitched in her throat and was about to speak when Gabe narrowed his eyes at her suddenly, freezing the words in her mouth. He leapt up, a handful of grass in his hand. His jaw was clenched, anger obvious in his stance and she felt herself shrink back a little.
"You know what, Jamie?! I don't want to hear it! I don't want to know why you did it! I don't care anymore! Its too late for this, its too late for us to make up. You hurt me too much, I can hardly sit here next to you without wanting to rip my hair out! Maybe it would have worked if you would have tried sooner, but...."
[/i] His angry words thrummed in the air, causing her breathing to halt as she struggled with guilt and pain. He turned away and stormed off before stopping by the tree she had fallen out of. She looked away from his tense form, fighting back the tears that were burning in her eyes. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, squeezing her eyes shut. She wanted desperately to feel angry, indignant, something other than this agony coursing through her, but what she wanted had stopped mattering a long time ago to her. She stood slowly, painfully aware of her trembling body. She fought not to stay still, the defensive part of her mind refusing to let him see how much his words had hurt. He was right. It was far, far too late and she knew that, but Merlin she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She had to talk to him, had to tell him. It wasn’t for him anymore because it was obvious he didn’t want to hear it. This was for her. This was her proving things couldn’t change. And maybe that was selfish, something she had never wanted to be with Gabe, but bloody hell she had to. Every fibre of her being was screaming at her to tell him and she couldn’t resist it anymore. “I’m sorry okay?” she snapped, feeling anger blooming in her chest. She wasn’t angry with him, not at all, more with herself. “I know it’s too little, too late and everything but I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I’m sorry if I did, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.” She struggled to find the words she wanted to say, feeling her self-directed anger increase. “I couldn’t act like everything was fine when it wasn’t. And yeah, maybe I should have explained to you. You deserved that much, after all. But I couldn’t talk about it, Gabe.” Her voice softened suddenly as her anger evaporated, replaced once more with pain. “Talking about it would make it real and I couldn’t accept that it was real. It just couldn’t be real. It all hurt too much and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t. I’m so, so sorry and it’s not enough but it’s all I can say.” Her breath came in sharp, laboured gasps and she was suddenly aware of the tears streaming down her face. She swiped angrily at them, annoyed at herself for crying. She wasn’t supposed to be crying. She wasn’t allowed to be upset because for fucks sake, she had done this. This was her fault and it was time she stopped crying about it. Still, despite her anger, the tears continued to stream down her face freely as she waited for his reaction. [/size] [/center] WORDS! 730
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Gabriel
NOTES! I am having way too much fun with this :D
INSPIRATION! Nothing in perticular, this time...
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "Mine" by Taylor Swift
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Post by gabriel on May 11, 2011 2:08:46 GMT
regret was pulsing through him before she even had a chance to reply. it wasn't right. he shouldn't have been so mean to her. it didn't make him feel any better, and he knew he probably hurt her feelings. after all, it would hurt his feelings if she did the same to him. he swallowed the knot in his throat and tried to force the guilt from his abdomen. already he felt like he wanted to cry, even though he knew that was stupid. after all, she deserved to cry over him. hell, he'd cried over her at first. of course, after the first two times he wouldn't allow it anymore. he couldn't just break down every time he saw her. she was a lost love, a lost cause. nothing could ever happen between them again, even if they wanted it to. he couldn't allow it. he never wanted to hurt it, ever, but he didn't want to hurt anymore either! he clenched his teeth, feeling more anger well in his gut. why couldn't he just decide what he wanted to feel? sad? angry? guilty for letting it all out? he sighed exasperatedly, and ran his hand through his hair again. this was all too much, but for some reason he couldn't force his feet to take the steps that would lead him away from her. as much as he didn't want to hear what she said, he did want to. he could yell and scream and throw as many fits as he wanted, but in the end he wanted desperately to know why.
he heard her speaking, her tone was sharp. she said she was sorry, but she didn't sound sorry. he rounded on her, ready to tell her that it didn't matter how sorry she was. ready to tell her that he didn't care if she regretted it for the rest of his life. he wanted to tell her that he just didn't give a damn anymore. she continued speaking at him in angry tones, telling him that she knew it was too late, telling him that she never wanted to hurt him and she was sorry, but she just couldn't do it anymore. instantly the anger that had been building in him evaporated and he just looked down at the ground. what did she mean, couldn't do it anymore? had it been that terrible for her? he sighed deeply, why did it even matter anyway? this was exactly why he told her didn't want to know, but he stuck around, because deep down he did want to know. she continued to speak, and she only confused him with her next statement. he had no idea what she was talking about. what did she mean by she couldn't talk about it? talk about what? he furrowed his brows at her, but before he could ask questions, she was speaking again. this time she made a little more sense. she was talking like someone she cared about had died, but she'd never told him that. she couldn't have told him that? let him be there for her? anger pulsed through him again, but at the sight of her tears he knew that he couldn't say anything mean to her. his heart broke just at seeing them.
he took a stiff step forward, his breath hitching in his throat at the thought of what he knew he had to do. he stood there for a few seconds, simply looking down at her. then, with finality in his expression, he reached out with one arm and wrapped it around her, pulling her into his chest - albeit a bit roughly, but the act had been so hard to commit that he was shaking. he wanted to comfort her and be there for her, but feeling her this close to him was making him remember the good times. how happy, young, and innocent they'd been. neither of them knew about the pains that came with living. it was almost like being hurt was just part of the game. after all, who could say they lived until they knew what it was like to lose someone? he sighed softly and rested his chin on top of her head, wrapping his other arm around her and pulling her against his chest tightly. he took a few deep breaths, fighting the stifling emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him.
"i'm sorry for being mean to you," was he really apologizing already? he was such a pussy. "and i'm sorry that you're so upset."
[/color] after all that she just said, were those really the only two things that he could manage to say? he felt like a jackass, but he really didn't know what else to say. what were you supposed to say when your ex-girlfriend started crying and carrying on about something that mildly confused you? well, most guys probably would have just left her, but not gabriel. one, he'd been raised better than that, and two he was sure he couldn't have even if he would have tried to.[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote] WORDS; 874 TAG; jamie MUSE; great. NOTES: i'm not exactly sure what the height difference between the two of them is, so i just wrote what i saw in my head xD. CREDIT; thavron @ caution
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Post by jamieanne on May 11, 2011 14:53:57 GMT
Jamie regretted saying the words almost the instant after they had left her mouth. The way he had look after the first sorry had spilled from her mouth had torn at her already ripped up heart. Then how despondent he had looked after her confession that she simply couldn’t do it any longer rubbed salt into the wounds. She was trying to apologise, to make it better in any way she could and all she had done was hurt him more. Everything she touched tumbled down in the end. Everything. The world was slowly coming undone in her eyes and all she wanted was her Daddy. She just wanted a hug and a few whispered words of comfort. Was it really so much to ask? She was only 15 dammit and she needed someone to tell her it was okay, even if it wasn’t. She turned her head away from him after she had saw the anger in his eyes, feeling frightened despite herself at what would happen next. Her eyes drifted shut as she struggled with the emotions swirling around her head.
She barely refrained from starting when she felt herself get pulled roughly into Gabe’s chest. He was shaking as his other arm wrapped around her and she burrowed her head into his chest, arms looping tightly around his waist. She inhaled greedily, relishing being this close to him and being able to breath in the purely Gabe scent. Her tears continued to flow freely, though she made no sign. Only the steadily growing wet spot on his top and her harsh, shaky breaths gave any indication of her crying. Merlin, she hadn’t cried in so long. After the first week after Kyle’s death, she had stopped crying altogether. It was if there was a barrier in the way, preventing the tears she desperately longed to cry from appearing. She had wondered if it made her a bad person, that she couldn’t cry, but Neville had assured her that sometimes that was quite normal. Well, it wasn’t normal exactly, but it wasn’t abnormal. Either way, she hadn’t cried since then and the tears made no sign of stopping.
She inhaled deeply again, taking guilty pleasure from the feelings being pressed up to Gabe evoked. Memories of laughing, joking, simply having a good time flashed behind her eyes and she wished that she could fall back into the memories. Everything had been so much easier in Third Year. They were still growing up, discovering themselves. They had gotten along so well, so easily. And then summer happened. Jamie had heard about people changing over the summer, abruptly turning into a different person but she had never entertained the idea of that happening to her. Then again, she had never even contemplated the idea of loosing someone she loved. But she had, and everything about her had changed drastically. She had noticed it quickly. She was much more cynical when it came to viewing the world. Where before everything had been seen from behind a rose-tinted glass, Kyle’s death had smashed that glass to pieces until all that was left was what the world actually was. A cold, hard place where bitterness was almost as prominent as love, possibly more so. And loosing that illusion of a wonderful world had changed her further, until she couldn’t even recognize herself. It had been that person who had stopped writing to Gabe, that person who had stopped talking to him, that person who had refused to explain. After a while, of course, things started getting easier to deal with and she slowly regained her sense of self and wonder in the world. Sadly, the things she had cherished the most had been tarnished beyond all repair, simply because she took her denials so far and refused to talk about it.
She was yanked from her thoughts when Gabe rested his chin on her head before speaking. His quiet apologies surprised her and she pulled back quickly, though she kept her arms around his waist. She searched his face intensely, consciously having to focus on not getting lost in his eyes. “Oh Gabe,” she murmured, reaching up and brushing some of his hair away from his eyes unthinkingly. She immediately realised what she had done and her hand dropped to her side quickly, before again wrapping his waist. “You, of all people, have nothing to apologise for. You have every right to be mean to me after… everything. You have every right to hate me, in fact!” She shook her head slightly, eyes alighting fiercely. “I upset myself. I know everything that happened between us was my fault and I accept that. I deserve every insult you hurl at me, and every hex.” She hesitated, gnawing on her lip unsurely before continuing. “If you’d like me to, I’ll explain why I stopped talking to you. it had nothing to do with you, I swear,” she added hurriedly. “You… you were perfect, Gabe.”
WORDS! 829
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Gabriel
NOTES! Eeeep, this so much fun!
INSPIRATION! My inspiration levels are AWESOME!!
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "Mine" by Taylor Swift
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Post by gabriel on May 11, 2011 23:34:10 GMT
he simply stood there and allowed her to cry into his chest. he held her tightly, his chin remaining rested upon her head. his stance was stiff, but comforting he assumed. she didn't try to push away from him, she accepted his comfort. it meant a lot to him to be able to hold the girl he'd once thought of so fondly. maybe they could never even be friends, but right now he could be there for her. would she do the same for him? he couldn't know, but he didn't care either. after all, this was a one time thing. he knew that she felt bad for hurting him, but her feeling bad wasn't making the bitterness he felt toward her go away. it was odd to him that he could stand here and hold her while deep in side he was seethingly angry at her. but he'd been angry at her for a long time and never acted on it. well, except for earlier, but in any case that was the only time he'd let his resentment toward the pretty blond girl show. and of course he had regretted it almost immediately, because she started crying. thus, he learned that he simply couldn't be mean to her no matter how much he wanted to. because for whatever bloody reason, she still meant something to him.
he stood silently, listening to her. she was a quiet crier, only the occasional sharp inhale betraying her to what she was doing. gabriel was calm now. his anger had retreated to the place deep within his chest where he kept it, and his sadness was culled. he focused on just being there for her. he didn't know why it mattered so much to him, because it wasn't his job anymore. back when he was thirteen he had declared it his job to take care of her forever, so he supposed that still applied now. well, kind of. of course, he had a totally different view on the world at this point in time, and really, he knew that nothing was forever. his mother had proven that to him at a very fragile time in his life. oh well. at least he learned it early on. some people spent their whole lives thinking it was possible to stay happy with someone forever.
it wasn't really the break up with jamie that made him think that way. nah, that would be a little extreme. it was more his mother than anything. after all, she'd been with his father so long, and then betrayed the whole family like that! they were the only ones who knew, though. his sister and dad really had no idea, and he didn't plan on telling them any time soon. even if he wanted to, that had been years ago, and for all he knew she could have quit seeing that man.
he was jerked from his thoughts by the sound of her saying his name. she pulled away from him, but her arms were still wrapped around his waist. in a way, he enjoyed it, and in the same way he wanted to push her away from him and tell her not to hold him like that anymore. but one, he was the one who started the hug and two, he didn't really want her to go. he watched her hand, it almost seemed to happen in slow motion. he followed it right up until it disappeared and he felt her brushing the hair from his face. instantly, his heart seemed to stop beating. he just stood there, his grip on her loosened a bit. but as soon as her hand touched his face, it was gone and wrapped back around his waist. he swallowed slightly loudly, and regained his grip on her. she spoke again and before she even finished speaking he was shaking his head slowly. "i could never hate you." it was mumbled, did she even hear it? did he even want her to have heard it? he didn't know. he didn't really know what he wanted anymore. she spoke again, giving him permission to do what he already knew he had the right to do. but hey, he just wasn't that sort of guy. he didn't really want hurt anyone.. well, maybe that was lie. maybe he did want to hurt some people, but he never acted on those wants.
she gnawed on her lip and started speaking again. this time she offering to tell him why. did she mean she would actually tell him, or just blubber confusing things at him? because if it was latter, he would pass. but before he could decide on anything really, she told him that it wasn't about him. his brown gaze found hers and he just looked at as she added her final statement. that he was perfect. he looked away from her quickly, unsure of what to respond with. finally, he just said: "yeah, tell me." but he didn't look back at her. his heart was thrumming against his ribcage again, and he didn't want her to see the nervousness that was probably written across his face.
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Post by jamieanne on May 15, 2011 16:05:57 GMT
Her heart pounded violently against her ribcage when she heard his quiet whisper. He doesn’t hate me, she though, feeling utterly dumbstruck. She had been sure that he would hate her for everything, but then again it was Gabe. He was inherently a forgiving and kind person, she had noticed. It had been one of the things that had attracted her to him. He was simply so sweet and cute it had been hard not to fall for him. He had a likeability about him and it was hard to find a person who had issues with him, really. Not to say he didn’t have enemies, of course not, but they were very few and a lot of them were based on useless prejudice so she didn’t really count that. Very little that normally would count did count when it came to him, at least for Jamie.
She waited with baited breath for his answer to her offer. The majority of her was desperately wishing for him to say no, that he’d rather not know, but the minor, better part of her was screaming for him to say yes. She wanted to talk about Kyle with an almost obsessive passion, but her defences wouldn’t allow it. She had gotten very defensive after Kyle’s death and had discovered a lot about her defence mechanisms. One of those included blocking emotions subconsciously until they came out in bursts. She had blocked many emotions to do with Kyle and the issue with Gabe had been that he had made her want to talk about him and that would have hurt too much. Now that she had dealt with the death, at least in part, there was little keeping her from sharing. Just fear of the unknown, really. But that was a large fear, not to be brushed over. She wasn’t a Gryffindor, she couldn’t simply charge on ahead despite of fears. Not usually, anyway. Gabe changed that. He had made her want to run headfirst into anything while paying little mind to fears. It was how she had ended up falling for him so quickly. She had always feared the pain of heartbreak so had never really developed a crush, but Gabe just threw that fear out of the window. And the thing was, he wasn’t even aware of it. He had no idea of how affected she was by him, how just his presence made her want to be better and braver.
His acceptance of her offer tore her from her thoughts and a thrill of fear ran down her spine. He turned his head away and she stared steadily at his cheek momentarily, before reluctantly extracting herself from his embrace. She felt an ache to be back in his arms again but she ignored it and wandered away from him. She crossed her arms absently, staring out at the view the courtyard offered. Her thoughts ran rampant in her mind, each one desperate to be heard. She sighed and tilted her head to the side before turning on her heel and walking over to Gabe again. She stared down at the grass in mock interest, digging her toes into the earth nervously. She rubbed her arms as she bit her lip in concentration. She shot him a shy look from under her eyelashes before returning to her inspection of the ground. “You deserve an explanation,” she murmured, more to herself than him. And he did. After all that had happened between them and all that hadn’t but should have, he deserved at least that. She wondered what his reaction would be. Would he be angry? Or upset she hadn’t shared it with him? Or maybe he would be indifferent. She thoroughly hoped it wouldn’t be the last, though she wouldn’t blame him if he was. Jamie sighed loudly, running a nervous hand through her hair before starting to speak.
“The summer after third year started off as a great one for me. I loved getting your letters and being with my siblings and family again. Everything was great and I couldn’t wait to go back to Hogwarts and see you again. About three or four weeks into summer, my dad told me… something.” She paused, shooting a quick glance at Gabe again before staring at her toes. “My best friend in the world had died while I was away at school. His name was Kyle. He had cancer, had for about two years. He went in for treatment a lot and we all thought he was finally getting better. Turns out… he wasn’t. He had died and I wasn’t there. My parents kept it from me by saying he was getting treatment at a Hospital in Ireland. He’s originally Irish so I bought it. In the end though, they told me. I was devastated.” She stopped again, swiping angrily at the new tears that had started streaming down her face. “I locked myself in my room. I refused to talk to anyone. I was so angry at them for not telling me. I refused to believe it was real at first. I thought it was just a sick joke or something, even though I knew it wasn’t really. And I was so, so, guilty for not being there. He had always, always been there for me when I needed him and I couldn’t do the same for him.” She sobbed quietly, turning her back to Gabe. “So yeah, that’s why I stopped talking to you. I was so depressed and angry and guilty and it all hurt too much…”
WORDS! 928
STATUS! complete
TAGS! Gabriel
NOTES! Sorry I took so long to reply; I've been stuck in bed with the flu. Better now though!
INSPIRATION! is at impossible levels
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
LYRICS! "Mine" by Taylor Swift
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